Everything Has Changed
by xoheatherxo
Summary: Castle decides to confront Beckett about their undercover kiss in Knockdown. She has trouble sorting out her feelings while feeling guilty because she is still with Josh.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first ever fanfic. It picks up after their undercover kiss in Knockdown when they are back at the precinct. :) Enjoy!**

He was staring again. He either didn't know it or didn't care, either way he couldn't control it.

"Castle, go home." Detective Kate Beckett said sternly without even looking up from her paperwork.

He startled. "Huh?" He tried to tear his eyes away but he knew she caught him staring at those lips of hers when she lifted her gaze to look at him, so what was the point?

She shifted uncomfortably in her chair and looked back down at her paperwork. She could barely concentrate on the paperwork as it is, she didn't need him hovering. It was hard enough trying to forget…

Castle leaned forward in his chair, checking to make sure the boys weren't around. "Are we going to talk about this?" He whispered.

She shot up nervously and dropped her pen. She quickly glanced around the bullpen. It was practically empty. Her partners were still out, leaving only a few detectives left and out of earshot. "Talk about what?" She hissed as she looked around. She knew exactly what he was talking about. The kiss. But if she didn't say anything out loud then maybe she could pretend it didn't happen. But was that what she wanted?

His rough voice brought her out of her thoughts quickly. "The kiss…" He tried not to smirk as she jumped. He liked the effect he was having on her. He had noticed she was different, and yea, it was a tough case, but that's not why she had been like this. She blushed every time he looked at her; her voice was shaky when she spoke to him…the kiss had meant something to her too. There was no other explanation.

Beckett nervously rubbed the back of her neck. "Castle, it's been a really long night…you should be at home with Alexis…"

He sat back in his chair, putting space in between them again, but casually moving his knee over so it touched hers. There was electricity at the soft touch, and he knew she felt it too. "Yea, it has been a long night, but I'm not the one who insisted on filling out paperwork. I wasn't about to leave you by yourself." Not that he doubted she was capable of being alone tonight, but he was afraid if he gave her even just a little bit of space she would repair the walls he was chipping away at and his Kate would be replaced by the Detective once again.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Paperwork has to be done eventually and I'm too wound up to sleep, might as well get it out of the way now." She picked up her pen and continued trying to concentrate on her work.

Castle leaned forward again. "Kate," he whispered. She lifted her eyes and her breath hitched. When did he get so close? "We need to talk about this…" she could feel the heat of his breath and smell his cologne; it was completely intoxicating.

She closed her eyes as she imagined how it felt earlier: _his lips on hers. How he quickly turned her and put his hand on her face, his eyes asking for permission knowing all the while he was going to take it anyway. She had known it was coming, but before she could react his mouth was on hers. They had pulled away. In that brief moment they both knew everything had changed. It didn't matter if the kiss was undercover or not. Something that should have meant nothing meant everything. And then she had lost herself. She closed the distance between them and his hands were in her hair, running down her back, pulling her hips into his. And as quickly as she had lost herself, she was brought back down and realized what was at stake. _

"Kate…" Castle said again. She opened her eyes quickly; embarrassed she had let herself go again. She leaned back in her chair, desperate to put distance between them once more. They stared at each other. Kate stood up. "You know what, I think I need more coffee," she quickly made her way to the break room, the closest escape she could find.

Castle stood and followed her, quietly closing the door behind him. She was standing by the espresso machine he had bought for the precinct a few years back. Her hair was flowing down her back. _God, she's beautiful_ he thought to himself. He took a step forward, but stopping dead in his tracks as he heard her sigh heavily.

"I _can't_ talk about it, Castle." She dropped her head, staring into her coffee.

He exhaled, frustrated. "I can't _not_ talk about it, Kate." He took another step towards her and she whipped around.

"God, you don't get it!"

"Get what? What am I supposed to get? You won't talk about it!"

She threw her hands up into the air. "Castle, if we talk about this…if we decide this means something…_everything_ will change!"

He looked at her for a moment, weighing his options. "Beckett, it already has." With those words he closed the distance between them and his mouth was claiming hers once again.


	2. Chapter 2

_He looked at her for a moment, weighing his options. "Beckett, it already has." With those words he closed the distance between them and his mouth was claiming hers once again. _

Beckett dropped her hands at her side. Part of her wanted to resist…the part that was wrecked with guilt, the part that was committed to Josh. But then there was another part of her; one that had belonged to Richard Castle long before Josh was even a thought. Castle bit her bottom lip, soothing it with his tongue and she let out a soft moan. He responded by pressing her back against the counter, tangling his fingers in her hair. Beckett parted her lips, giving him access and his tongue met hers. She was powerless to stop him; all thoughts of right and wrong were quickly slipping from her grasp. Castle leaned himself into her and she made her decision. She didn't care about right and wrong, all she cared about was the man in front of her now, in this moment.

She grabbed at his jacket, trying to pull him even closer. He left her lips and began working his way down along her jawline, towards her neck. "Castle," she moaned. He groaned quietly at the sound of his name on her lips. _God, I could get used to that _he thought.

Her eyes fluttered open and she saw a figure in the bullpen. She snapped her head up. "Castle!" This time his name came out as a warning. He lifted his head and kissed her lips again, but this time they resisted. She smacked his shoulder pushing him off using the counter as leverage; grateful they had separated before anyone would see them.

Richard stumbled backwards, quickly catching himself and regaining his footing.

Beckett widened her eyes trying to warn him and quickly turned around, pretending to concentrate once again on her coffee. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion until he heard the door to the break room open. "Yea, I'll grab you one!" Ryan shouted to the bullpen. He turned his attention to the inside of the break room and jumped. "Oh! Hey guys!"

_Shit shit shit. _Castle thought. He busied himself with the espresso machine trying to act normal by starting his own cup of coffee. "Hey Ryan," he said without turning to meet the detective's face.

Beckett composed herself quickly, running a hand through her hair, and turning to face her friend. "Ryan, what are you doing here? You should be at home resting." She swallowed, hoping he wouldn't notice the nervousness in her voice.

Ryan shrugged and pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders. "Couldn't sleep. I feel like I need to keep moving to stay warm. Thought some paperwork would keep me distracted and a coffee might help with the cold," he walked past Beckett towards the espresso machine.

"Don't be ridiculous, go, sit down. I'll get you a coffee." Beckett guided Ryan to one of the chairs. He rubbed his shoulders trying to trap the warmth as a shiver ran through his body. She walked back to the counter and Castle handed her one of the mugs, their hands brushing and lingering just a little too long. He stole a glance at her knowing their backs were to the other detective and he wouldn't notice. She looked away, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks.

"Actually, you have a visitor…" Ryan said with a cheery tone.

Beckett turned, confused. "A visitor? Who would visit this late?" She felt the heat of Castle's eyes on her.

Ryan smiled. "Josh is out in the waiting area…."

Castle dropped the mug in his hand, letting it shatter on the floor.

"Castle!" She jumped back trying to dodge its hot contents.

He gave Beckett a dark stare before turning his attention to the broken fragments on the floor. "J-Josh is here? I thought he was in Africa…._saving the world" _He clenched his jaw as he picked up the pieces, grateful that most of the coffee had splashed onto the side of the counter and had not harmed himself or Detective Beckett.

Beckett stared out into the bullpen, looking for any sign of the handsome doctor. Ryan chuckled. "Just go talk to him."

She shifted her eyes to Ryan. "Huh? Right. Yea…" she placed the mug on the counter and walked out in a daze leaving Castle to clean the mess.

Ryan sighed dreamily. "So romantic…."

Castle shot Ryan a look.

"What?" He asked innocently.

"Nothing…" the writer continued wiping the mess while trying to sort out the one in his head. When he stood he caught Josh and Beckett out of the corner of his eye. He looked head on and was frozen in place. The doctor was caressing her face, and she was leaning into it as she placed her hand on top of his. Castle felt a knot form in his stomach and a pang of guilt sweep through him. He hadn't thought of her boyfriend when his lips were on hers. He hadn't thought of the mess he was making in Beckett's life or the pain he had undoubtedly caused. He only knew that when he kissed her the first time it wasn't enough. When he kissed her again it was because he had wanted her, no, he needed her…just not like this. He had lost. Everything had changed, and he knew he would never be able to go back; just like he knew they would never be able to go forward with Josh in the picture. Richard Castle and Kate Beckett were through. His chest ached as the realization sunk in.

"…you know?" The tail end of Ryan's sentence pulled Castle's stare away from the couple.

"Right…" he muttered, not sure what he was agreeing with; nor caring. "Actually," his voice was hoarse, laced with disappointment and heartache, "I think I'm going to call it a night." He felt like his heart had been shattered into a million pieces, just like the ruined remains of ceramic mug in his hand. He chucked the pieces into the garbage bin and exited the other door of the break room, careful to avoid the scene in front of Beckett's desk.

The elevator dinged, causing Beckett to look over Josh's shoulder. As the doors closed she made eye contact with her partner, her face falling at the grave look that had replaced his warm features. As the elevator sunk lower, so did the heart in her chest.


End file.
